Sunday morning at One Off Gallery

A few weeks ago, I took a visiting friend to Carol Lees's One Off Gallery. That's always lovely: Not only is Carol very good at what she does, and passionate about it, but there'll also be cake and coffee and wine. This was a Sunday morning, so coffee and Carol looking serious:

Lots of space on the ground floor to look at some painings.

This was the current exhibition when we visited - quite day-glo:

Richard Kimathi - empty eyes? Or what's in the space behind them?

Upstairs:

Chameleon on the floor:

And the dogs are helping explain and sell art. I think.

Here's the link to One Off's Facebook page.

Njema Helena launch: All the pretty dresses

I love African fabrics. And pretty dresses. And pockets in skirts and dresses. So, unsurprisingly, I loved the Njema Helena launch collection. Here's design director Cecilia in one of her dresses. A peplum dress - and I'm slowly beginning to make friends with peplums.

Did I mention pretty dresses?

I also really liked the belts - in particular this little bow one:

These are made from fish leather. It looks like soft, slightly fluffy snake skin - sorta:

More belts plus a skirt. I think this skirt had pockets. I approve of skirts with pockets!

These little jackets are what Coco Chanel would have made if she had shopped for fabrics in Africa. Very cute with jeans - trust me, I tried! You will be mine, preshusssssss!

Njema Helena don't have a permanent outlet yet, but will be back for the Xmas Box market next month. Check out their Facebook page for updates.

Bridge International Academies FTW!

Amazing news: Bridge International Academies here in Nairobi are runner up for the Outstanding Small and Growing Business Award in the Africa Awards for Entrepreneurship, given out by the Africa Leadership Network (ALN).

From the press release: 'Bridge International Academies was the runner-up for the Outstanding Small and Growing Business Award, also a prize of USD50,000, and a commendation from the African Leadership Network. In 2007 the company developed a strategy that would allow it to launch a large-scale network of high-quality, ultra low-cost, for-profit private schools. The concept 'school-in-a-box' has enabled children to receive high-quality education for USD4 per child per month and has the biggest chain of low-cost private schools in Africa that run 80 academies in Kenya with over 25,000 students.'

I've met and interviewed Shannon May - who founded and runs Bridge together with her husband and a third partner - a few times and she's utterly impressive, frighteningly well informed, and also very very lovely to boot. It's an amazing company: quality education for a fee that's roughly equal to what parents pay in 'desk fees', 'motivation fees' etc in the so-called free primary education. It's a for-profit model (albeit initially funded with some patient capital), which means that its growth is not dependent on donations. And it's probably one of the fastest-growing companies in Kenya: they went from a handful employees to 1,200 in three years.

Congratulations!

To heal importance

It is as ever my recommendation that you have someone proofread your copy. Someone who has a thorough grasp of the language you intend to publish it in, and just as thorough attention to detail. Or you may end up with crap. Intense crap even:

Natural Power advertised on p. 10 in today's Star:

For men, they promise to 'resolve importance', including penile organ size. But better still, for women, they will help with 'Women libido, intense excrement and desire'. They also offer a 'sliming cream.' And 'wild growth hair oil for fuller and larger hair (USA)'.

Although crappy copy has been done before: Airtel promised to put a smile on the faeces of their customers.

Four Twenty South and Emporio Kumar

I brought Alison, and Alison brought Elizabeth, and then I talked Carol into coming, and she brought Adele, and we all drove Hilary and Jane at Four Twenty South nuts with the cottage bookings because we arrived and left on different days. But when we were not arriving and departing, we were horizontal. Here's what paradise looks like:

This is the view from one of the cottages a bit further in the back:

Billy came to the cottage to give us a yoga lesson every day. Don't be fooled. He just looks harmless. The pain eased on day four, just when I had to leave.

Pre-yoga coffee with cat friend (insert pussy joke here):

Madafu after yoga, and brunch being prepared by the talented Michael. Can this get any better?

Yes, it can! Because we discovered Emporio Kumar, a fashion house so exclusive, they close over lunch!

It is my firm belief that Mrs Kumar has elves in her workshop. I may have bought all wrap skirts, but they will have new ones ready the next day and Mrs Kumar will helpfully direct her staff to show them to me. She knows a sucker when she sees one! Mrs Kumar raided our accounts. We raided Emporio Kumar. Here's my loot:

Four Twenty South is one of my favouritest places. Find them on Facebook here.

Party Shopping and Delusion: What's New?

Turns out, not much. Today in the Standard: Musalia Mudavadi, who has made ominous announcements of ‘announcements’ for, what, weeks now? 'When you leave here, I want you to be sure that I will not go back.' Passive-aggressive drama queen. Get on with it already.

Kalonzo Musyoka still hasn’t brought an original thought or a shred of personality to the table, and doesn’t seem to intend to: In the Nation, he emphasises again that he ‘is best suited to continue with President Kibaki’s policies since he had understudied the Head of State.’ Understudied the head of state in running around trying to undermine the ICC? Also, wobbly reasoning: ‘Being an election year we don’t want a repeat of what happened in 2007. We want to be peaceful.’ (Nation) Quite. That was the election organised under Kibaki’s presidency.

Musyoka's superior suitability is also not a position shared by Prof. Saitoti, who may be a little too optimistic about his own ability to prove opinion polls wrong. Saitoti in the Standard: ‘Kenyans know who I’m, what I stand for, and what I have done. There is no doubt that they would elect me to succeed President Kibaki when he retires. … Pollsters will be surprised when I become president.’ But he’s clearly a man with a national, not a tribal outlook: ‘Saitoti said the position of Education PS which was held James ole Kiyiapi and NEMA chairman headed by Francis ole Kaparo “should be given back to the Maasai community”. (Star)

This is comforting as it’s ever so predictable a script: ‘The fight for control of the United Republican Party (URP) by politicians close to Eldoret North MP William Ruto has threatened to tear the nascent party apart. What has clearly emerged is the fight has to do with nominations for party positions and who will have the final say.’(Standard) Pole, Mr Ruto – wasn’t this exactly the same problem he had with UDM?

And I swear I heard my small dog say ‘urp’ this morning when he stretched.

Uhuru Kenyatta also still seems to be floating around without a party home after having been shoved out of KANU. Again, pole. I am sure he will fix this shortly. ‘Shopping for a party’, no doubt.

Just as a reminder: This is what the latest Infotrack Harris polls predict, according to Capital FM: Raila Odinga 42%, Uhuru Kenyatta 22%, Kalonzo Musyoka 9%, Martha Karua 5%, William Ruto 5% and Musalia Mudavadi 5%. Saitoti: not mentioned in the article.

BM Security: Insecurity Company?

Few things make me feel quite as stabby as 'overlapping'.

This was on Tuesday, 2 Feb, around 7.30pm on Kanjata Road leading to James Gichuru. Traffic was flowing - slowly, but flowing -, until idiots like the BM Security driver started using the wrong side of the road and created a giant, entirely predictable clusterfuck.

I emailed BM Security yesterday, but no response yet. So off to Twitter with this.

Christmas cards, dictator style

Season's greetings for the discerning Africa geek! These were lovingly created by a wonderful friend of mine who prefers to remain anonymous.

From the delightful Nigerian who taught me about pink gin tonics

Today, I've had two in part practically identical discussions about homosexuality in Africa that made me repost this link. Here's a - clearly exasperated - comment from a lovely Nigerian friend on Nigeria's proposed anti-gay legislation:

Nigerians should stop choosing what part of Western culture appeals to us and what doesn't: we accept skinny jeans, MTV & Coca Cola, but reject two grown men or women doing what they like in the privacy of their homes. We reject the idea of homosexuality on the basis of what is preached in the bible which itself was forced on us by colonial oppressors (who incidentally also brought with them the whole concept of homophobia, which, like it or not, did not exist before they came, simply because we didn't care enough to define and label homosexuality).

Nigerians (more than most Africans) crave western designer brands and lifestyles, a significant portion of which are conceived, designed, created and delivered to us by "gay brains" (Versace, YSL, Gucci, D&G, just to name a very few). And then they say they don't want such brains amongst them.

You can continue to deny what really exists by chastising, banning, outlawing and ostracising it. And before you know it, we will be likened to Al Shabab in Somalia who have banned football and samosas because they are "evil", or the Taliban who forbid music, art, education and so much more. In fact, why look so far for examples of where Nigeria is headed when we have Boko Haram beating on our doors to let Sharia in!

If as a Nigerian citizen you have the right to say what you want, do what you want, be who you want, then that should apply to all citizens regardless of their religion, tribe, gender, sexual preferences. No one citizen is more of a citizen than the next!

Media Nitpicking: Friday Standard

Just scanned the Standard’s front page and holy cow, did they butcher it today:

In an article on new measures to save the shilling, Uhuru has, the Standard writes, lowered the limit on foreign exchange exousrue for commercial banks. I genuinely can’t figure out what this is supposed to mean (coffee just arriving at my brain) until a look at another paper unriddles it: foreign exchanges exposure.

Then I spot the teaser for Pulse magazine on the front page: ‘Kampala Courousal: Pulse transports you to Kampala for an afternoon of footbal and a ‘night run’’.

A courousal? Let’s have a look. On the Pulse cover, the courousal turns back into a ‘carousal’ and they’ve generously fetched another l to add to football. Onwards and upwards. In the main article on the football match (p. 10/11), you’ll find ‘As time tickles on’.

I quickly scan the fashion pages and have to give Pulse some credit: they manage to use ‘chic’ correctly. Twice. But the shoes described as loafers aren’t loafers, and the ‘statement heels’ aren’t exactly statement heels either.

Right, I’ve got stuff to do. If you find anything else in this edition of the Standard, stick it in the comments.

Le Sigh: Recycled Soap to Uganda

More evidence if you ever needed any that Africa is a bizarre theme park for good intentions:

Told by CNN no less, and in its CNN Heroes section: The heartwarming tale of Derreck Kayongo, a Ugandan living in the US, who was shocked by the waste from hotel soaps – every visitor gets a new piece of soap, every day, and the barely used soap is being thrown out. "Are we really throwing away that much soap at the expense of other people who don't have anything? It just doesn't sound right. … My dad said people in America can afford to throw it away. But I just started to think, 'What if we took some of this soap and recycled it, made brand new soap from it and then sent it home to people who couldn't afford soap?'”

The CNN article cites statistics that every year, more than 2 million children die from diarrheal illness in developing countries. Simply washing hands with soap could be a first line of defence. Mr Kayango argues that the problem is not the availability of soap, but its cost: for people on the mythical dollar a day, a soap bar is simply too expensive to purchase when there are many more pressing priorities such as food and medication. Fair enough.

Mr Kayongo sets up what is now the Global Soap Project. Here’s CNN’s description:

“So far, 300 hotels nationwide have joined the collection effort, generating 100 tons of soap. Some participating hotels even donate high-end soaps such as Bvlgari, which retails up to $27 for a single bar. Volunteers across the U.S. collect the hotel soaps and ship them to the group's warehouse in Atlanta. On Saturdays, Atlanta volunteers assemble there to clean, reprocess and package the bars.

"We do not mix the soaps because they come with different pH systems, different characters, smells and colors," Kayongo said. "We sanitize them first, then heat them at very high temperatures, chill them and cut them into final bars. It's a very simple process, but a lot of work."

A batch of soap bars is only released for shipment once one of its samples has been tested for pathogens and deemed safe by a third-party laboratory. The Global Soap Project then works with partner organizations to ship and distribute the soap directly to people who need it -- for free.”

Rethink this for a second: The Global Soap Project requires managing the participating hotels and the collecting volunteers. The volunteers pay for shipping. The soap people need to buy machinery, pay for space, do lots of sorting-producing-heating-sanitising-testing type things ('a lot of work', as they say), pay for shipping ... to get soap to Uganda.

Here's the thing: Uganda has shops. Many. Even supermarket chains. Uganda also has soap manufacturers. When I lived in Uganda ten years ago, you were given those long soap bars for free at the petrol station if you purchased a certain minimum amount of petrol. I have heard of recent fuel and sugar shortages, but no soap shortages have hit the headlines.

If you think distributing free soap to Ugandans who can’t afford it is a good thing, then this is probably single-handedly the least efficient way of doing it. It is also latently ignorant and patronising: Send US rubbish to the ever grateful Ugandans.

How about sending some cash to Uganda to buy the soap there and then have it distributed by the local partner organisations?

Brains, people. Use them.

But heartwarming, hey?

A Touch of Vagina

In last Saturday's column, I wrote about my suspicion that the new Kenya log as proposed by Brand Kenya suggested a female genital. Once you see it, it's difficult to unsee.

Check it out:

I can't imagine that I'm the only one who spots this, so I think this might actually be useful feedback.

Brand Kenya didn't think so. I'll post the link to their reply in today's Star as soon as they put it online.

Homophobia Smackdown 101

1. It’s unbiblical: That may or may not be true – there are lots of people who argue that the bible is at least inconsistent on this issue, and that Jesus wasn’t much bothered. I don’t care. I’m not a Christian, and Christianity is not state religion, and I don’t care what the bible says. If you follow the bible, that’s your choice. But you can’t selectively turn biblical bits into secular law.

2. If we let the gays do their thing, we also need to let rapists and pedophiles do their thing: Err, no. Come on, use your brain: There’s a substantial difference between a situation of consenting adults and a situation where one is the aggressor and the other is the victim. If you don’t understand those basic concepts, you shouldn’t be out and about here in cyberspace.

3. If we let gays do their thing, MANKIND WILL DIE OUT: Nope. You can’t catch the gay. You are the best example for that: you foam at the mouth rather than get all hot and bothered in a nice way when you think about two guys kissing, right? See. There’ll always be a gay minority. It’s a minority. Look up the concept of the bell curve. And bear in mind: gay people have reproductive organs. Many use them.

4. Even animals have more common sense and won’t do this: Not true. Plenty of evidence from wildlife that they do do it. And gaily so.

5. But you can’t compare humans to animals: I didn’t – you started that line of argument.

6. It’s unAfrican: Me, I don’t know. I’m not African. I think all the African gay men and women might have a thing or five to say about this. And they can perfectly well speak for themselves.

7. What if the children see it? Yeah, then what? Nothing.

8. Anal sex is wrong – the anus wasn’t made for this: If you think anal sex is wrong, then don’t have it. Not all gay people have anal sex, and there are plenty of straight guys (and women) who get all bright eyed and bushy tailed about it.

9. It’s a lifestyle choice: Hardly (never mind that if I chose it, what difference would it make?). The foam-at-the-mouth hysteria in Uganda, ‘corrective rape’ and other such charitable, love-your-neighbour activities are the best example. It’s extremely unlikely that anyone would choose that kind of hatred and threat of violence just for kicks.

10. I have no issues with gay people as long as they don't chat me up - then I'll hit them: Easy, my friend. If that happens, be civilised and say 'thanks, no, but thanks'. If I hit everyone who chatted me up and who I'm not interested in, there'd be lots of black eyes, and I'm not Marilyn Monroe by any stretch of imagination. I say 'thanksbutnothanks'. To all those good Christian married guys, too.

11. Gay guys are sick, but lesbians are kinda cool: You're not talking about lesbians, you're talking about two straight women getting it on with each other for the sake of a straight man. As with the vast majority of couples, two lesbians won't be very keen on having you drool away when they get it on with each other. Pretty much like you won't slap your best buddy on the shoulder and ask whether you can watch while he's doing his wife.

EDITED TO ADD:

12. I don't understand it/I find it disgusting: That may well be the case, and you're of course entitled to think so, but that's irrelevant. I don't understand how people can spend every Saturday watching football, and I may find people chewing with their mouth open disgusting. My problem to deal with.

13. ... but don't rub it in our faces/force it down our throats: Most people actually don't - as one gay Nigerian blogger said, she never wanted to talk about her sex and love live in public because she thought it was private. But since so many other people were talking about her private sex and love life, she decided to speak out. Also: It's perfectly ok for a heterosexual man to post a picture of his wife with, say, a mention that he thinks his wife is cute. Normal behavior, right? The equivalent from a gay man, however, is suddenly 'rubbing it in our faces'.

More importantly, perhaps, the legal situation in Uganda now longer allows the option of 'as long as they do whatever they do behind closed doors, we'll all be fine'. Because even what people do behind closed doors is no longer legal, and can land them in prison for many years.

14. But they are recruiting people! This argument is, funnily enough, usually brought up by people with the most vociferous disgust of homosexuality. So you're so incredibly disgusted and repulsed - but you argue that not-gay people can be 'recruited'? EDITED TO ADD (7 July 2015): I will NOT publish any comments that make the same dumb statements that I have already refuted above('But we will all die out!', 'Can I now marry my dog?'). So save yourself the energy.

Upstanding Sudanese Citizens (North and South)

I'm reading Sudan news.

Thankfully there are occasionally some good news. Very pleased for the citizen (and, possibly, the sheep, although I suspect that Eid might have ended their lives prematurely):

'Citizens in Abu Hamra (South Darfur) recovered over 50 sheep belonging to citizen Haroon Ishaq al-Bakhit from three armed horsemen on Sunday.'

And more upstanding citizens in the South:

'Bul Community in Diaspora Challenge the Wisdom of Abysmal SPLM Leadership in Unity State [press release]
Unity State (Bentiu) is the underwriter for the South Sudan nation in term of wealth and manpower, the oil-rich Bentiu accounts for 90 percent of South Sudan's daily oil production of 490,000 barrels and the sons and daughters of Bentiu are well known for their courageous and determination, they will always willfully takes risks if they observed injustice and unfair play.'

One should always challenge the wisdom of abysmal leadership with courageous.

One of my favouritest Southern Sudan articles ever was a news report on cattle wrestling. Regrettably, I don't have the link anymore. Also, I fear I'm getting a bit carried away here.

More Le Sigh from the US – or: God’s Recruitment Process Flawed

It’s a good day for Africa stories from the US: Here’s a fun article about the Riegers, a family from Tillamook who are about to move to Gulu in northern Uganda as missionaries. God called them, you know. They will set up the Rieger Ministry that will ‘focus on orphans, child moms, ex-child soldiers and those afflicted with HIV/AIDS.’

Susan Rieger is ‘excited about what she has to offer the women and girls of Gulu. “I’m going to teach nutrition, gardening, work in the school, and develop exercise programs for people with AIDS.” She’s quite fit and likes running, but anticipates that being difficult:

‘She and her daughters will wear modest dresses and avoid doing anything to put themselves in overt danger, such as running for exercise. This will be a difficult adjustment for Susan, who is an avid runner.

“I put in 30 to 40 miles per week here,” she said. “When we get there I’m going to have to do step aerobics and yoga in the house. I might be able to run with Joe, but I would have to wear a dress, and we would have to go early in the morning before it gets too hot.”

I’m not really sure how a dress is going to help. I checked with Jane Bussmann (not known to jog in dresses) and she said she went running in Gulu, no probs.

She’s also not so confident about the school system:
‘Susan will also be homeschooling four of her own children in Africa. “In Uganda there is no public school,” she explained. “Every child who attends school has to be able to pay the fee, and the highest grade they teach is sixth.”’

Well. Uganda has a free primary education system, although I expect that like in Kenya, some ‘fees’ must be paid regardless, and the quality probably isn’t impressive. Wikipedia says: ‘The system of education in Uganda has a structure of 7 years of primary education, 6 years of secondary education (divided into 4 years of lower secondary and 2 years of upper secondary school).’

Anyhoodle. More substantially, what bugs me is this:

Here is a population that has indeed lived in incredibly difficult conditions. How is a bunch of Americans, well intended, but who seemingly can’t use google, who literally have no idea where they are going, qualified to address this? “These people have lived in trauma, it’s all they know. It is our mission to teach them how to function in peace.” Because you understand what it’s like to live in a civil war zone, because you have the skills for post-traumatic stress disorder counselling?

Susan Rieger plans to “to mentor and disciple child moms. I want to get to know them and teach them how to tend their children. The idea is that if we love on them and show them love, they will then be able to turn and love their children.” Because Ugandan child moms don’t know how to love their kids, and they don’t have parents, family, mothers and grandmothers to teach them parenting in their own community?

Is it just me, or is there something quite (albeit unintentionally) patronising about this whole venture?